Sa Pakiwari ko...

...coz I am JUST a friend.

2011-07-29T23:32:00.005+08:00

"Pag lumingon ka, akin ka!" I remember this line from the movie "In the name of Love" starring Aga Muhlach and Angel Locsin unfortunately when I use this line for that someone special, I saw them happy walking without turning back away from me. :(

There are times that no matter how hard you try to placed yourself in front of that someone special when he/she is in love with someone else and you are just contented watching them happy, seeing them as if they own the whole world, seeing them happy...will you still push yourself just to have that someone you love? will you just keep the pain inside of you or will you fight the uncontrollable feeling in your heart?

It's hard to say that you want to fight for that love if that someone special showed you that he/she is happy with someone else and he/she can't be happy with you. You just keep yourself, hiding the real pain inside your heart. Is this love? But why it keeps on hurting me? Hearing their laughter that is slowly killing me, and I choose to leave instead, no matter how I tried to be okay.

How can you let go of that someone special when you know that he/she gives life to you? Somehow the reason why you live!? Is it this easy to forget when you know that he/she's been part once of your life?

Sometimes I went to quiet places just to pour out that heavy things inside my heart, crying out so loud, drowning myself with my tears but when everything seems to cool down, still I realized that I am still alone. Letting go of what you felt is the hardest thing when it ended before it begun. I can never be that someone special coz simply...am just a friend.

Pwede bang minsan pahiram ng Pag ibig?

2011-07-28T23:04:00.011+08:00

"Mahal ko siya pero takot ako dahil kaibigan ko siya!" Familiar words, isn't it? I'm pretty sure most of us have experienced things like this or can relate to situation like this. Sometimes we are afraid that we might be loosing someone we love because he/she is a dear friend to us. You want to express yourself but you're afraid that he/she will reject you.

Love begins in friendship but the hardest part is that you don't know where and how to start your love. Will you gamble your friendship over your feeling? Or will you take the risk of loosing a friend for the sake of love?

All I wanted is to have someone whom I can share my life with, someone whom I can talk to, someone who will be there to push me despite of all trials and problems I have in my life. Someone who will say "It's okay" though it's not. Someone who will tap my shoulder and will say that everything will be alright. I need a friend because I believed that only a friend can help me this way but why my heart is telling me that it should be more than friends, that I don't need a friend but a lover. Seeing that someone smiling at me...everything seems to be only the two of us living in world of fantasy.

Too much happy being just friend seems to be lonely. Deep inside of me I am waiting that this someone special will recognize even a little piece of what I felt. The painful part is when you realized that "Mahal mo siya pero mahal niya ay iba!"

This is our God and His purpose in my Life!

2011-02-09T23:25:00.002+08:00

I am so grateful for what's happening in my life right now. I am so blessed and overwhelmed because of what God has done in my life. God has open the flood gate of heaven for me...as what He has promised for all of us. I never ask for more than what I need but my God, our Father in Heaven pour the blessings on me. More than the money and material things He gave me Love, Peace and Joy in my heart.

When I almost give up...struggling life for nothing...I am so tired running my whole life against life, when I lost direction, when I was alone and no one is around, when I cry out but no one hears me, when I need help but no one extend hands for me, when I need someone to cry on but no shoulder to lean on...I was alone in the middle of nowhere...I'm so helpless. Giving up is my last remedy but because I am a believer of luck so it happen to me. I thought I restore all the things that I have lost, I regain a strength, draw it from family, from friends and I am just thinking that I can do it for myself but I used to fail at the end. Why I fail? Because I never submitted myself to God. I thought life will run smoothly, I think it runs smoothly but the emptiness deep inside of me everytime I get in my room and made me realized that I am still alone and no one is around, the holes in my life that keep on haunting me, I never become a whole until such I knew Jesus in my life.

I have to admit, I never knew Him, I maybe knew Him but I don't have a relationship with Him before the way I have now. The time I knew Him, He crashed my life, He destroyed me, Jesus came into my life and destroy me, He ruined my life, I even don't know myself anymore but He created a new me, He creates a new masterpiece in me. I can't trace myself anymore, I am gone, I died also in the cross with Jesus and raise again into life that's why I can't recognize myself anymore.

Jesus came into my life to save me not to condemn. He came to give me Freedom not to prison me, He gave me Love and not to punish me for what I have done in the past. Now...my heart is filled with joy for I have live my life according to His purpose and not mine.

Living in a Box (The Family)

2010-11-24T15:43:00.008+08:00

Life is worth living for. That's what I have always in my mind. The question is "How worthy life is if you are living in a box?" Not literally living in a box, but look around you, do you think most people are living outside the box? Nope, most of us are living inside the box. Not all but most of us are just living inside a box. No freedom, limited space, uncomfortable and it takes a lot of sacrifice.

I have seen a lot of families whose parents are working abroad, children are living on their own. Parents can afford to provide everything for their children but in return they are suffering from being away from their love ones. It's not wrong to work hard for our children, what's wrong is that parents forget that their children need them more than the money. What's worst when family is not a whole family at all, when children are starting to beg for love to other people and parents choose to separate their ways because love starts to fade in their hearts.

I am a commuter and everyday of my life I have seen families beside the street begging for something to eat. Sometimes I think it's normal but I realized it's not. It become normal for most of us because we used to see them everyday of our life. I am fortunate than them but why it's so hard for me to help them? I am willing to help but I have nothing to help, I have a limited resources to help them. I can share something for them but what's the hardest thing is that I can't even help my own family. I can't help them in the sense that I don't have an idea if they are eating well, are they comfortable, are they having enough money for their daily needs!? It's an irony but it's true.

I'm pretty sure that you are familiar with the word "Buena Familia". They are family who can afford to buy what they want. But do you think these people are the happiest people? I knew some but they are not happy in what they have and what they are. Fighting each other, having problem with their security, working so hard as if they know nothing but money. No love only money. Their happiness is based on their money. They have also limitations and it seems they are living inside the box.

As far as I have observed, whether rich or poor, most of us are living inside the box. Can you ask yourself with these questions and try to reflect it on your own. How can we get out from there? What is there outside the box that we should be aiming for? Is there any something special outside the box? There are so many reasons why should we get out from box of our life because there is life outside that box.

(My personal thanks to Mr. Angelo Javier for allowing me to use his photos. I am using his photos instead of using a family photos is because this is exactly how I want you to picture out life, inside the box, uncomfortable, limited space, happy eyes, contented yet there is pain in the eyes, mysterious and you don't know what it really mean unless you will put yourself how does it feels like inside the box.)

Friendship and Beyond...

2010-11-22T17:18:00.003+08:00

This blog post is taken from http://arjhay1726.wordpress.com. It was around 11:00 in the evening to midnight of August 13, 2008 when I wrote this post. Lot of my friends told me that this is one of the best post they ever read. Well maybe it's because the time I write it...it's not only my mind and my hand that write this post but I know I write it from the heart. I just want to share this post in here and hopefully you will like it too.

You have just met somewhere in nowhere, in an unexpected ways, in an unexpected time. In my whole life I never thought of somebody who will came and be my friend for the rest of my life. If I willbe your friend, I will be a friend forever. Sometimes I can can hear from other people saying that life is nothing without money, life is nothing without power, life is nothing without wisdom but for me life is nothing without FRIENDS. I am always saying to myself that I am rich, not with wealth, but I am rich because I have a lot of friends.

All of my friends have different characteristics, they have different point of view in life, they have different social status, they have different interpretation on life itself. There are people who consider their friend as somebody who is more than a family. I don’t know why but mostly of us confide to a friend rather than to a family, I, even myself used to ran to a friend than to my family. I seek more comfort from a friend than to anyone else.

There are people that surround us that criticize the friendship we have invested to a certain person. Sometimes we were prejudged because we are showing something better to a friend. Why do people sometimes questioned the status of friendship you have? Is it not about giving back of something to a friend because he/she has done something good for you? I can even remember a good friend of mine, who shares all the best thing we could have in our lives. We even define friendship as something that only two hearts understand, no need for words to say, only eyes and we can understand.

As we journey our life, we can meet people along the way, people that will hurt us, people that will make us laugh, people that will inspire us and people who will leave some prints in our hearts. These are the people that we met by chance and some of them proved to be a good friend, and from that few we can find a best friend, as time keeps the two soul closer to one another and destined to be friends forever.

Heart of a Child

2010-11-19T09:56:00.005+08:00

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.Psalm 73:26

I can't help myself but to cry while watching this video I have found at www.Godtube.com. Lot of people die because of heart problems, some dies because of age, some dies because of lifestyle but how could you imagine a child to suffer because of her own mother? That's painful but God has always a great plan for our lives, He does miracle everyday, sometimes it's so hard to understand these miracles but remember that God is a Powerful God, Almighty God and He can do everything, nothing is impossible with Him.

I can still remember my Aunt who is also suffering Chronic Heart Problem, how she fight her illness, how she suffer and how she die while holding my hand. Literally I was there beside her holding my hand during her last breath. I can see the pain in her eyes, though she can't speak anymore but I can feel the way she held me that she want to go rather than staying alive suffering from her illness.

In this video God is so merciful and loving God that He want this child to experience how beautiful life is. Miracles do happen during the very least time we expect it. God is so great and we should be glad in it. He does miracle to this child and He can do also miracle to us, no matter what kind of diseases we have, what kind of illness we are suffering, cancer, AIDS, even the worst illness you know, He can heal us only if we just believed in Him that He is a living God, a powerful God, an almighty God through His Son Jesus.

God's Coffee

2010-11-17T17:56:00.003+08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups.......... Enjoy your coffee!

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything." Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Giving without Spending

2010-11-05T13:07:00.002+08:00

I was inspired to write today about GIVING, how to Give and what’s the best thing to give coz early morning today while I’m taking a jeepney going to the office a group of young adult (Badjao) beating their drums and dancing to tune of their beat, they are giving envelopes to ask for some money. I am wondering what’s the best way to give and how to give!?

Matthew 6:2-4 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

The bible says to give secretly as much as possible. It’s not the approval of other people seeing you giving to the needy but it’s the Approval of our Father in Heaven. Personally, I don’t give to these people coz for me I am not giving but I am spending them to live life as it is. They become dependent to people that surrounds them. It’s just like I am spending a certain amount of money for other people to see me giving. It’s very clear that the bible says to GIVE but I believed we can give something aside from money. This is what all about; WE CAN GIVE WITHOUT SPENDING.

Let me first define what is SPENDING and what is GIVING. SPENDING is to pay out, disburse, or expend; dispose of (money, wealth, resources, etc.) while GIVING is to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation.

I can give my smile, I can give advice, I can give comfort, I can give compliment, I can give my prayers and I can give my time without expecting others to pay me for what I did. These are simply an illustration of giving without spending. Those are just simple things but it means a lot for others.

So what’s the best thing to give? I can say, your TIME. Giving your time is the best thing you can give. It’s something that we can’t take it back when we give it, there’s no rewind or fast forward of our time. When a person is about to die, they want their love ones to be there beside them, that’s giving your time. When a person has a problem, all he need is your time to listen to him. If you want to have a piece of mind, just give yourself a little time alone and listen to God. Listen to your heart and He will talk to you when you just shut up your mouth. The question is “How much time you can give?”

The Gift

2010-11-05T10:36:00.003+08:00

This post is taken from my other blogpage and I just want share coz it somehow makes a difference in my life. Hopefully I can share some insights that may change also your life.

There are small details in our life that we miss to discover what it really meant for us. It might be small but it means a lot. It might be in a package that we expect less, a gift in a different wrapper, there are things in our life, small things we think useless and we choose to put it in a trash but that might be the big thing we are searching for. This is a story that inspires me to appreciate every gift that is given to me. It might be nothing to others but let us try to discover what’s in it, what’s the essence of that gift to us and how it affects us.

A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box.

Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily, he raised his voice at his father and said, “With all your money you give me a Bible?” and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy book.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care things. When he arrived at his father’s house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart.

He began to search his father’s important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. As he read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope taped behind the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer’s name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words…PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God’s blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?

Krizzia vs Pyth

2010-05-16T03:17:00.000+08:00

I am browsing my files, old files, and so happen that I found some videos of Krizzia and Pyth. It's a singing showdown, these videos happen 2 years ago in Caloocan, I just forgot the real celebration but it was a lot of fun and a night to remember.

Pyth and Krizzia are both good singers and they really excel in the field of music. I can even remember during our younger years when Krizzia used to sing in her room on the top of her lungs while her mom is shouting out loud for her. Pyth is genius when it comes to music. He plays guitar, piano and other music instrument.

I am not comparing the two of them but I am praising to their talent and very honor to know these people. Aside from being talented, they are those few people whom I admired most. Humble, helpful and they don't forget to look back from where they came from.

Krizzia's version of "Iisa pa lamang"

Pyth's "Nanghihinayang"

Who wins in this showdown? It's up to you to judged but for me they always win my heart.

After the Day I said Goodbye!

2009-06-23T04:16:00.001+08:00

I can't remember how's life brought me here today. I been away before and then I came back, away and now I return. I know it's hard for you to understand what I am talking about since you don't know what happen in my life for the past year. I forget myself, I forget the things that I used to and I forget some people.

Now, I'm here again. I can't say if I really have to stay for a little bit longer but one thing I'm sure, I am stronger than before, I'm ready to face all the challenges that may came into my life. I was once saying that I have to live my life to the fullest but sad to say I live it to the foolest. Well, maybe that's really life, you don't know when to say yes and when to say no. Sometimes it's hard to say good bye to all the things that make my life complete but I really have to let go, I realized that I have to love myself more than anything and anyone else coz I know I can't love somebody or anybody if I don't even know how to love myself.

The day I said goodbye is a symbol of the past that I let go, embracing new life and living it to the best I could. Though it's hard to start a new life but now I can shout to the whole world that I die and now I live life with so much hope, so much love and so much respect with myself.

After 13 Years...

2008-10-01T01:04:00.000+08:00

I was blessed with a father whom I think the most perfect man in my life. Living with this man is such a miracle. He always encourage me to go on with my life, He let me soar high and he never let me down. He put his very own wings upon my back just to see me flying high with my own life. I live life to the fullest with the courage and the wisdom of my father. He is full of strength, encouragement, braveness insidehis heart and most of all he has the love that I never found to anyone else.

It was thirteen years ago when left us, when he shares his life to our creator in heaven. I can't forget all those things he left for us, all the teachings in life. Thirteen years ago that I don't see him even in my dreams and that was thirteen years ago when the last time he embrace me and said that I was loved.

September 30, 1995 in the morning when I received a news from my mom telling us that I need to go home immediately because my father was confined in a hospital. That news makes me uneasy and immediately went home since I was living with my grandmom away from my parents. I never thought and never in my mind that I already lost my father midnight of September 29, 1995. My mother is telling me that he was just confined in a hospital to make sure that I will be okay in coming home. Unfortunately, it's too late for me to know the truth that he is gone.

I remember the third night of his wake. I saw him in my dream. He ask me to sit beside him, I know in my dreams that he is gone, I am fully aware in my dreams that he accepted the pain of death. He holds my hands saying that he will never leave us behind, physically he will not be around but he says that he will always be in our heart and then he gave me a hug. He is even saying that I have to take care my little siblings. I did not noticed that the tears in my eyes are falling on his shoulder. He wipe my tears and he told me that he have to go because somebody is waiting him. I can't help myself but to cry everytime I remember that dream, the last dream that I have with my father. I know and I believed that he is good hand and his soul rests in peace.

It's not too late to say how much you love your dad and your mom. Say it while they can hear it. Unlike me, I am just murmuring those words inside my heart and one of the biggest regret that I have in my life is that I was not able to show that I love him, I was not to say that words and now I am just contented to say it within my heart.

How to Become a Millionaire

2008-09-02T23:01:00.000+08:00

Only few are not dreaming not to become a millionaire. Mostly of us wants to retire with million in our savings account. most of us wants to enjoy life after our retirement. There is no such thing as a secret to become a millionaire, no formula either, it only requires logic and discipline. I’m not yet a millionaire but these things that I have found, for me, are great ways to become one. Getting a millionaire’s mindset.

Stop Senseless Spending - Unfortunately, mostly of us are spending too much on the services and goods that we don’t need much. Even relatively small expense, such as having a cup of premium coffee rather than that of instant coffee. These things can add up or decrease the amount of money you can save.

Fund Retirement Plans ASAP - In general, the earlier you start saving for retirement, the easier it will be to afford, given the number of financial obligations that tend to be incurred at that later period in your life.

Improve Tax Awareness - Sometimes, individuals think that doing their own taxes will save them money. In some cases, they might be right. However, in other cases it may actually end up costing them money because they fail to take advantage of the many deductions available to them. Try to become more educated as far as what types of items are deductible. You should also understand when it makes sense to move away from the standard deduction and start itemizing your return.

Renting Versus Buying - At some point in our lives, many of us rent a home or an apartment because we cannot afford to purchase a home, or because we aren’t sure where we want to live for the longer term. And that’s fine. However, renting is often not a good long-term investment because buying a home is a good way to build equity.

Buying Expensive Cars - There’s nothing wrong with purchasing a luxury vehicle. However, individuals who spend an inordinate amount of their incomes on a vehicle are doing themselves a disservice - especially since this asset depreciates in value so rapidly.

Don’t Sell Yourself Short - Some individuals are extremely loyal to their employers and will stay with them for years without seeing their incomes take a jump. This can be a mistake, as increasing your income is an excellent way to boost your rate of saving. Always keep your eye out for other opportunities and try not to sell yourself short. Work hard and find an employer who will compensate you for your work ethic, skills and experience.

Bottom Line - You don’t have to win the lottery to see seven figures in your bank account. For most people, the only way to achieve this is to save it. You don’t have to live like a pauper to build an adequate nest egg and retire comfortably. If you start early, spend wisely and save diligently, your million dreams are well within reach.

Time to mend my broken heart

2008-08-24T01:43:00.001+08:00

I been away for a while because I just want to escape my real world. I just want to know who really Am I, I am reflecting to my very own self, I have to know myself first before I can face the truth about me. During the time that I am looking back at myself, I found a song that touches my heart and touches my life. A song that made me realized how my life was. That I have already forgotten myself because I love somebody else but it made me cry. Now I have to move on, I have to face the truth that we were not meant to be with each other, that made me realized that I was meant to be alone.

Happiness

2008-08-12T03:22:00.000+08:00

In our life, it seems that we aim nothing but HAPPINESS, nothing really matters with us as long as we are happy, with people that loves us, with our family, people that gives us an inspiration to move on with our lives, there's nothing more than a moment that makes us laugh, nothings compare to deep happiness we can have in our lives, aside from the fact that it will makes as younger everytime we are happy from deep within.

People sometimes do hide their true selves in a mask of uncertain. But why? We can never be happy if we are hiding ourselves, if we keep isolating ourselves in the dark. Life is so beautiful. A lot of things can make us happy, sometimes we don't realize that even little things can give us happiness. Being happy doesn't mean laughing out loud, a simple hello, a simple thank you, and simple smile means so much. We don't have reasons why can't we be happy. Everyday in our lives is a proof of a miracle, just looking at the sunshine in the morning tells us of a great miracle. We don't need a statue to cry a blood, we don't need an apparition just to believed that there is true miracle of happiness, sometimes all we need is look at our hearts, be true to our selves, and just accept all the things that happened in our lives. Nothing to worry since everything is well planed, no matter how we tried to change our journey, it will always come back to what is being plan.

There are times in our live of which we are looking back on the tears and it will make us laugh, but I never knew that looking back on the laughs will make me cry. Maybe because we just miss all those laughters we have shared with other people, especially with our friends and with our family and that's a real happiness we are missing.

Buhay Coke Winners

2008-08-09T03:30:00.000+08:00

First and foremost I would like to say thank you to the organizer of the "BUHAY COKE", Coca Cola, to SM Hypermart and to the people behind the success of the coke blogger party and the awarding of the "Buhay Coke, Video Blog"

It's so wonderful to know that there is such thing as blogger party. We can met people from different places, we can gain some friends if masyado kang machika chika, and a lot of an unexpected things that will happen if you were there. The time that I read the blog of Ms. Aileen Apolo, inviting some bloggers to attend with this coke blogger party buhay coke, I was so excited, not only that coke is one of my favorite drink, not only that I know that food is flooding in the venue but as well as meeting other people. I can even remember my childhood years, as coke reminded me of the past. I grown up with coke as part of my life. My dad was once a dealer of coca cola company. A lot of priviledge were given to us, given to my dad when we are in the business.

When my father died, the Coca cola company has gave us 50 cases of coke for free. Well...not other business firm will like the idea of paying all the expenses just for one person. Anyway, I have to edit the pictures that I took during the party of coke since my camera get stuck during the party.(hehehe! nakakahiya nga eh) Photos are coming soon.

Muddy Weekend

2008-08-08T01:34:00.000+08:00

I spent my weekend at a place of which I am not expecting to be a great place. Away from the noise of the city, away from pollution, and away from my daily problems in life. A place that somehow gives me a peace of mind. It's somewhere in Amadeo, Cavite.

We went there just to help solve out the problem of the business. A problem that arise before we knew we have to prepare. I am not expecting to stay there for more than a day, I am not prepared to stay there. I don't have enough clothes and personal things. Upon arriving at that place, at the very side of the street, we have seen what's really the problem. The problem on how to take all those "ipa" going to the farm, since it's raining the whole day, trucks can not get inside the farm because of too much muddy of the area. And that's the main problem. So we need to take the "ipa" inside the farm, it's an urgent to take all those things inside the farm.

From there the action takes place, we need to carry some sacks of "ipa" bringing to the pick up and bring the "ipa" going inside the farm. It's a little bit tiring but it's a lot of fun, rain keeps on pouring and we are enjoying the rain and the mud of the place. It's been so long since my last play in the rain, I was still in my elementary years since the last time I'm playing at the mud, I enjoy a lot and it's so much fun.

This is the muddy place, and we are trying to put some panambak.

Well...just thinking how to get out from here with this too much mud of the car.

How to get out from the farm? That's the biggest problem.

The art of letting go!

2008-08-01T02:45:00.000+08:00

I been trying to make myself the best that I could be. I am trying to move on...but still a part of me was left behind. I don't know why! There are so many questions that were left behind my head. Questions that make me think that I am crazy, it makes me think that I am nothing, that no one was there for me. I have noticed presently that mostly of my blogs talks about the pain from deep within me. Am I still the same person I knew before? Even I myself don't know who Am I now. Why is it so hard to let go?

As I have said, I was lost and now I have found some lights in my life. Sometimes I am not aware that I am just crying in my lonely nights, those nights that all I can see is the four dark corners of my room. Those nights that only silhouette of the moon is shining trough. Those nights that stars look like a tears in my eyes. I am living in pain but why can't I let go?

Embracing the future is the best way to escape the past. Crossing beyond the line of yesterday is the best way to see the present. For me, today is a gift but what is there in yesterday why can't I forget? A lot of my friends are telling me that life is such a fool, why can't I find somebody to love is what they're always telling me. I don't know because all I know is that why is it so hard to let go?

Now I have realized that I'm still here, waiting for something new, waiting for somebody else to love me, and waiting for the right time for me to let go!

The One Left Behind

2008-07-29T00:32:00.000+08:00

"...You turned and walk awayI didn't know what to say I closed my eyes to hide The pain I felt inside I could never understand How love went out of hand And now there's nothing I can do

Though the feeling hasn't passed Sad to say our love didn't lastPlease don't ask me to pretend`Cause I know it's overWhen I'm done forgetting youYou can say what you wanted to Please don't ask me to pretend`Cause I know it's over now

Now I'm left here all alone A heart without a home How will I ever find The love I left behind Once, the days were ours to share Now you don't even careAnd there's still nothing I can do..."

I am spending my weekends at my cousin's house somewhere in Sucat. It was a lazy sunday afternoon, July 27, I am just watching the program of GMA7 "Dear Friends" hosted by Jolina Magdangal and Marvin Agustin. I am not used to watch drama teleserye, telenovela and similar to that. But this one caught my attention.

It's about a GAY. Primarily, it's a gay story, played by young actor Mark Herras as Eric and his lover Jeremy played by Paolo Contis. Actually, I was not able to start the story, I have started it when the time that Eric (Mark Herras) is asking Jeremy (Paolo Contis) why he is leaving for States, the time when He is asking why can't they be together, why can't they more than just friends, and why can't they be a lovers. And the time that they were caught by some friends who took some videos while they are hugging, letting the girl of Eric watch the video, well...I guess that was a very touchy scene, and I was able to connect the story. It was that Eric is hiding his true self to other people, that he keeps on struggling and keep on fighting his true self. He is trying tide his real identity in the love of a girl but deep inside he loves a man. The story ended when Jeremy have to say good bye to Eric, He will leaving, he is going to the airport to go back to the states. And Eric was left behind with tears in his eyes asking why he is always left behind.

I don't know but this story seems to be always and same story of every gay. Loving somebody, giving your whole self to the one you loved, but at the end, why is it that gays are always left behind? Do we have no rights to love and be loved? Mostly gays are crying at the end because they love a certain person but it always end with a tragedy. Is it a curse for all gays? Is it always the same ending of the story? Why do people can't love a gay? Why can't they accept gays? Why can't they just give even the respect that every gay is longing to have in his life...and why do they caused pains and played the feelings of every gay?

Based on experienced, I love somebody else before and I give my whole life just to work out the relationship, but as usual, I am just dreaming, as if I have no right to fall in love and be loved. And this is the most painful thing, waking up in your dreams that...you are left behind.

To a Friend

2008-07-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

Today is July 26, and as far as I remember it's the Birthday of a friend of mine. Actually, I did not see her for almost a year already if I'm not mistaken. And I would like to dedicate this blog to her, that though we are not communicating that much but still I remember her, in thoughts and in this blog.

She's a college friend, actually, she's not just a friend but a sister and a best friend during college years. We're the best of friend for almost the whole years in college, actually, we we're four Lyvenne and Gilbert, but she is the closest to me. Sometimes we have some miscommunications, minsan nag aaway din kami, nagbabati, tapos nag aaway ulit, tapos bati ulit, but more than that, we shared a lot of our ups and downs in life. She was there during the time that I need somebody to lean on. She was there during the times that I lost my way, she was there during the time that I can't see the bright days of my life, during my nightmares and she was there when I laugh to those things that happen in my life. Minsan na rin kaming kumakain ng tig iisang buong manok at tig lilimang cups ng rice habang tumutulo ang mga luha sa aming mga mata. Minsan na rin kaming nanood mg sine na wala pang katao tao ang loob ng sinehan. Minsan na rin kaming umiinom ng beer habang pinupulutan ang isang buong buko pie. At minsan na rin akong nagkaroon ng isang mabuting kaibigan sa kanyang katauhan.

There are moments in our life that during our journey we met somebody that we are not expecting that will leave some good memories in our hearts. I don't have much time to be with her as of now, since she got married just recently (I don't know how did she court the man), but still those memories that she leaves behind, those memories that keeps on reminding me that once in my life I've met Rolyn de la Cruz. And those memories that I can't forget for the rest of my life.

To a dear friend, HAPPY BIRTHDAY and more power!

Piso

2008-07-22T01:35:00.000+08:00

"Nowadays, what is the essence of "piso" in our lives? Will it change our lives or will it ruined our true self?"

I was invited by "cinegang" a group of young people who has the passion in film making, future film makers of our country, and they are the products of MOWELFUND Intensive Filmmaking 2008. They grouped together, contributing each one's resources, skills, talent just to produce a world class movie. And this is their first project as a group. It is entitled as "PISO" written and co-directed by Rommel M. Luna. Each one of them plays a different role in the movie making, vital role that strengthen the group to produce something that can give lessons to us.

The movie talks about a family, a simple family who dreams to have a better lives, but sad to say they were abused by people in power, influential people who ruined their lives, ruined their dreams, and corrupt their weakness. It's a beautiful short story that presently happening in our society but none of us cares about it. It is a common problem in our society but until now we are not awaken by the cries of these people, begging for help, begging for mercy, and begging to have their dignity in life.

It is not the budget that we talk about in making a movie, it's not the actors and actresses, but it's all about the art of telling a story in a moving images. Capturing every details that will lead to the understanding of the audience and the morale lessons we can gain from the movie. The group admitted that it's very difficult to cope up those problem they have encountered in making this movie, but at the end of the shooting, an excellent movie was created by these young group of people who are aspiring to compete not only to local movie producers but in international arena.

Though the scenes are very heavy and dramatic but in the set there are bundles of laughters and joys, during the shooting of this movie. As if no one is above from the other, they are open to share their opinions and ideas, and gladly it is accepted by the group. And that's what they called TEAMWORK.

And now, we will be waiting for this movie to be shown in the silver screen with pride and honor for "CINEGANG". Good luck to your movie and hopefully you can produce more movie that will help the dying movie industry of the country.

Here are some of the behind the scene photos of "PISO":

Some of the people behind the production, they are also the people taking care of the foods for the whole set.

"Gagawin kitang batang grasa! hahaha!"

Giving some directions before the scene.

The set during night time, this is the time of which a rape scene was taken.

Ida!!!? Hinahanap ka na ni Aling Claring! Nagpose ka pa dyan!?

Aling Claring, di na ninyo yan mapigilin, pinatalian na yan ni kapitan!

WORDCAMP PHILIPPINES 2008

2008-07-18T03:38:00.000+08:00

I am browsing for something new in my blog list and so happen that I open a page which I think will help me a lot, It will help me improve my skills and ability in writing, It will help me develop myself for a better me. This is the WORDCAMP PHILIPPINES 2008.

This is the first time here in the philippines to have this kind of camp, actually first time in Southeast Asia. A group of WordPress enthusiasts, developers, advocates and users embarking on this project to bring WordCamp to the Philippines for the first time. They will bring new informations, techniques, skills, and they will help develop amateur bloggers like me in reaching the top of excellence.

I am working in an IT company, but not all were thought nor I have experienced the best thing in computer world. I am less than to my co-employees, since most of them graduated in a computer related courses, and I am supposed to be in the classroom teaching my students to become a better citizens of the world. But still I have this hunger in computer education, I want to experience something beyond just sitting in front of my computer, beyond just simply writing, and beyond just an amateur blogger. I know and i believed this is something that will change life into better.

Wordcamp Philippines 2008 is sponsored by the following:

i.PH: the Domain for Individuals

Free Online Flash Games

Wazzup Manila Philippines

Real Estate CRM

Real Estate Website Designers

Orange County Real Estate

Auto Insurance Quotes

Lane Systems Inc.

RedMedia

For more informations on Wordcamp Philippines 2008 please click here. And for Mindanao bloggers you can click here. See you in September!

Blissful Life!

2008-07-16T01:48:00.000+08:00

It was a saturday afternoon, and I am just walking down the street with some foods in my hands. I am not thinking of anything that time, all I think is something to fill up my stomach because I was not able to take some lunch. Upon walking down the street, I saw a couple setting beside the street, they are seriously talking, and they have these two little children in their back lying in a piece of carton. I don't know what to do that time, if I have to give my foods or I will just pass by in front of them. But as I am observing them, watching them talking I have asked myself "What if I was one of their child lying in that piece of carton?" Because of that question I am not aware that I just passing in front of them, I forgot to give the foods that I have, well...maybe I was really bothered by that question that's why I lost my mind. And that question is until now is on my mind. I don't know why I am thinking that way. And that made me realized that I am fortunate than other people, though sometime I am thinking that nobody cares and loves me.

Sometimes I think I am all alone because I am far from my family, some of my friends are busy with their own life but as I am looking back at my past, I know there are days that somehow made me weak. Nobody was there for me. Nobody loves me. But I was definitely wrong. I was loved, and a lot of them cares for me. My family, my friends and special people that come and goes in my life. Some were gone in far places, some were just beside me, some of them I don't have a communications but one thing I am sure with, they touch my life.

I was bliss of too much love from my family, I was bliss of too much happiness from my friends, and I was too much bliss of encouragement and inspiration with special people in my life. Some of them were accidentally I have meet in the street but they contribute a lot of being me. They made me realize that life is so beautiful even in the midst of darkness. They let me see some lights in my darkest hours. And they guide me to the right path. During the time that I almost give up with my life, they were there for me, they help me in carrying my cross in life.

Just like the couple in the street that I have seen, and the two children they have, they made me realized that my life is not that worst than what they have now. That there are situations in my life that are more easier that what they have. I don't know if these people in the street has friends like what I have, I don't know if they have family that are thinking and cares for them. I don't have to ask more than what I have now, I am hypocrite if I will say that I never dream of a better life, that I don't need the wealth of the earth. But as I have seen the real life, I am rich now, not with wealth but I am rich with my family, I am rich because I have a lot of friends, and I am rich because a lot of people touches my life.

Slice of Life

2008-07-15T00:17:00.000+08:00

There was a little boy I knew in my life. During His younger years He used to dream to become a doctor when he grows up. He also dream to become a lawyer, and He even dream to become a priest. As a young boy, He simply just want to play, to study, and to be with his family. It seems that everything is alright. He learned to love people that loves Him as a child, very happy and energetic young boy. He grows with too much love from His parents, they live in a simple life but they are happy and contented with their lives.

When he was in his high school years, He realized that He is special among young men in the classroom. He is somehow different from his boys classmates, He is more demure, and feminine way is more clearly can be seen to Him. He realized that He doesn't belong to the group of these young men. He is more comfortable with these young ladies around him. But he always believed that though he is special among young men, he deserves respect, to love and to be loved.

There was a time in his life that he realized that he falls in love with somebody else. Yes, falling in love to somebody else whom can not accept who really he is, a person who has this close mind about his situation, situation as a person who is created special. It seems that he is begging for the love of this person, begging for that small piece of love for him. It seems that he is carrying the burden of the whole world on his shoulder, contented to watch the one he loves with other person whos arms are tied around the body of the one he loves. Seems so sad but life must go on for him. He should not stop himself in pushing to his dream in life.

Sometimes life is so cruel, the only person who can understand Him, of who really he is, his father, was taken away from him. A time that his father must take a rest with our Creator above. He must take now the responsibility as the eldest among three siblings, but how could that be, he believed that he is weak, he is soft, and he has no right to take the responsibility of his father. But still he has no choice but to embrace all these things that happen in his life.

He have to go somewhere else just to help his younger brother and sister in their daily needs. But sometimes it's not easy for him to stand alone on his own feet, he felt that he needs somebody to lend on, but who? To whom will he spent his lonely nights? Who will wipe the tears that are coming from his eyes everytime no one is around? And because of that...he falls again. He falls in the hands of drug addiction, vices and he almost forgot his family, his family of whom are waiting the time that he will be home to be with them.

Maybe, he reach the point that he is tired of his life. Nothing new is happening to him, he was stuck in a dark nights of his life. He decided to make a change with his life, he challenge his own self to renew. He challenge his self to reborn. He continued to walk the straight path that he has build before. He walk with faith and hope in his heart that soon another dawn will come, and another morning will shine upon his face.

Life sometimes so cruel, we don't know when shall we fall, but as long as we have faith in our heart, as long as we still have the courage to stand everytime we fall, that would be the greatest glory we can have in our life. Each one of us is created special in the eyes of the Lord. You might be weak in the eyes of other people but you are the strongest if you can admit who really you are, with no shame in telling them that once, you commit mistakes and you are willing to learn from it.

Now, this young boy has matured enough to face trials in life, he has grown up but still he is searching the young boy in his heart who is contented to play, the young boy who is innocence to face life, the young boy who dreamed the unreachable star, and the young who cries but wipes away the pain in his heart as he wipes the tears that are coming from his eyes. He is still in his journey in life. Searching for the right path for his life. And he is sharing what life means to him in the midst of all the trials he faced in his life.

Those who leaves some marks!

2008-07-12T05:33:00.000+08:00

When I came in Manila for good for the first time, actually, I been here for so many times but the first time that I'm coming for good that was January of 2007. I told myself to focused on my future, that I have to forget some points of my past just to make sure that I will be better in the future. That I have to forget everything, even in making some Barkadas, that I have to get serious with my life.

What's always on my mind is that I'm capable now of doing anything with my life. That I have to isolate myself just to give way for what I want with my life. Not realizing that everything can't be done alone, that I need somebody else to help me up with my life. And some of those are my friends who leave some marks in my heart since the time I came here for better. Some of them are my old friends and they prove that no time can break us apart. Except for my family, they are the people who touch my life since January of 2007. Though we are not together most of the time but they have always a special part in my heart.

He is always a part of what I have achieved now. He was there the time that I am facing the greatest challeng I have with my life. Even the time that I took my board exam, He was there for me. We shares common things, the ups and downs of our life, we are facing it hand in hand.

I have not seen her for almost 11 years, but the time our roads crossed again...she did not change, the same friend that I have 15 years ago, and until now, she is one of the best friend that I have in my life.
He has everything in life...a stable job...as if he can buy everything, anything he wants in life, but he is the most humble person I ever knew in my life. I know him since high school days and he is still the same makulit but a loving friend of mine.

I never thought of someone as brave as her, she is the black belter friend I knew, but has always a heart as soft as cotton for her family and friends.
He's been there for me when I am crying, he makes sure that I will not cry anymore. One of the best person I knew, He is an old friend of mine but he is always a new friend that makes my day better than before.

And to all the friends that I have met along my way, I can't forget you. I may not able to post your photos here but you are always kept in the deepest part of my heart. To Ms. Lilibeth and Kuya Nick Cardinal and their family who has been a good friend to me, I will never forget you for the rest of my life. To Joyce, Mike, Mon, Eric, RV, to all employees of Asia Century Multi Advertising Inc., especially to all CSR of Casino Live 24/7, you gave me a reason to smile everyday.

My first blog

2008-07-12T04:09:00.000+08:00

It's my very first at blogspot.com. Actually I been doing some blogs already at ww.halohalo.ph/wordpress. I am writing anything and everything under the sun. And that site, inspires me to do a lot more. I am not into writing, before I really hate to write, but halohalo.ph have gave me the chance and open my eyes into writing of anything, writing about myself, writing about ideas, writing about other people and sharing what I have for others.

My blog title is "Sa Pakiwari ko..." (In my Opinion...) primarily because I don't want to hurt people...I might be writing something which may hurt other people, and as my defense, I'll be telling them that it's only my humble opinion. Second...what's on my mind is that I will write something beyond what I have seen, something beyond my experienced, I will be writing my fantasies and dreams in life, my inspirations and so on. And lastly I don't want to be questioned because all of these things ay sa Pakiwari ko lamang.

Writing is not really my passion. Sometimes, I don't even bother myself to look at my pc or notebook, but as I open my eyes to the beauty of writing, I have realized that it is something that really make sense. I can share my thoughts to other people, I can express what's really inside of me and I can tell other people what I really want to my life.

This first blog of mine is a form of gratefulness to what halohalo.ph/wordpress has given to me. It is my sort of thank you to them. I still be writing anything at halohalo.ph but what makes this blogsite of mine differs from halohalo.ph is that I will be writing here even my fantasies, my dreams and my inspirations. In halohalo.ph I will be writing something factual, social related blogs, and informative informations. And that really make sense.