...coz I am JUST a friend.

"Pag lumingon ka, akin ka!" I remember this line from the movie "In the name of Love" starring Aga Muhlach and Angel Locsin unfortunately when I use this line for that someone special, I saw them happy walking without turning back away from me. :(

There are times that no matter how hard you try to placed yourself in front of that someone special when he/she is in love with someone else and you are just contented watching them happy, seeing them as if they own the whole world, seeing them happy...will you still push yourself just to have that someone you love? will you just keep the pain inside of you or will you fight the uncontrollable feeling in your heart?

It's hard to say that you want to fight for that love if that someone special showed you that he/she is happy with someone else and he/she can't be happy with you. You just keep yourself, hiding the real pain inside your heart. Is this love? But why it keeps on hurting me? Hearing their laughter that is slowly killing me, and I choose to leave instead, no matter how I tried to be okay.

How can you let go of that someone special when you know that he/she gives life to you? Somehow the reason why you live!? Is it this easy to forget when you know that he/she's been part once of your life?

Sometimes I went to quiet places just to pour out that heavy things inside my heart, crying out so loud, drowning myself with my tears but when everything seems to cool down, still I realized that I am still alone. Letting go of what you felt is the hardest thing when it ended before it begun. I can never be that someone special coz simply...am just a friend.

Pwede bang minsan pahiram ng Pag ibig?

"Mahal ko siya pero takot ako dahil kaibigan ko siya!" Familiar words, isn't it? I'm pretty sure most of us have experienced things like this or can relate to situation like this. Sometimes we are afraid that we might be loosing someone we love because he/she is a dear friend to us. You want to express yourself but you're afraid that he/she will reject you.

Love begins in friendship but the hardest part is that you don't know where and how to start your love. Will you gamble your friendship over your feeling? Or will you take the risk of loosing a friend for the sake of love?

All I wanted is to have someone whom I can share my life with, someone whom I can talk to, someone who will be there to push me despite of all trials and problems I have in my life. Someone who will say "It's okay" though it's not. Someone who will tap my shoulder and will say that everything will be alright. I need a friend because I believed that only a friend can help me this way but why my heart is telling me that it should be more than friends, that I don't need a friend but a lover. Seeing that someone smiling at me...everything seems to be only the two of us living in world of fantasy.

Too much happy being just friend seems to be lonely. Deep inside of me I am waiting that this someone special will recognize even a little piece of what I felt. The painful part is when you realized that "Mahal mo siya pero mahal niya ay iba!"